Blood Bowl Races: Norse

So it's been ages since I've written a Blood Bowl post, and since that's one reason I actually established this blog in the first place, I'm gonna get on it and talk today about the Norse, one of my favourite teams in Blood Bowl.

It's easy to look at Norse and dismiss them initially, or completely misunderstand what they're all about. "They almost all start with Block! What an easy team!" Wrong.

"They're like Dwarfs but faster." WRONG.

"They're a team for newbs trying to get to grips with Block before they play Dwarfs." WRONG. (I've actually seen this on the BB forums and found it kind of hilarious - they are just as hard to use as Dwarfs, if not more a heck of a lot more so in many ways).

The Norse Team

The Norse are a team of contradictions. First of all, the players all look like beefy savages, and they're all about maiming and killing the other team. Great...except the first thing that'll make you wince when looking at the team roster is that almost everyone has AV 7, almost the weakest Armour Value in the entire game!

Even your expensive positionals only have AV 8, which is by no means tough.

You've got guys who are all Movement Allowance 6. This is distinctly average. The Runners are MA 7, which is only slightly above average speed-wise, and won't allow them to outrun Elves.

Then you realise that for a "fighting" team, your guys can only have 5 players with Strength skill access on normal skill up rolls. Compared to Orcs, Chaos and Dwarfs, who can saturate the pitch with 9-11 Mighty Blow and Guard players, you suck by comparison, right?


Well, yes and no.

A Norse team that attempts to take on an Orc or Dwarf team in a line-against-line traditional bashing competition is going to get ruined.

The Norse operate around some very specific rules.

Norse Rule #1: DO NOT LET THE OTHER GUY PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE. This is the most important rule. Avoid ending your turn in contact with anyone unless your opponent is prone and you can hit him (again) reliably and safely next turn.

Norse Rule #2: At every possibility, punch the other guy in the face. Really hard. Lots. As many damage modifiers per Blitz/block as you can.

Norse Rule #3: Always look for opportunities to crowd-surf opposing players with Frenzy.

Norse Rule #4: Always look for opportunities to gang-foul opposing high value players. Spreading out your opponent with good positioning on your side helps this.

With a lot of Frenzy on their positionals (five Frenzy players is standard on a Norse team), Dauntless on their Runners and Claw on the Yhetee (their 5 STR big guy, for the un-initiated), the Norse EXCEL at moving their damage skills to exactly where they are needed, and really *really* making them hurt. No other team has so many guys with damage-skill access that can also move a pretty long way each turn.

Each match with Norse (at least how I play them) is basically a death race. Your opponent is going to be trying damn hard to smash up your AV 7, so you need to use that bloodlust to lure him to the players on your team who can hit like a freight train. Then you make him regret squaring up to you as much as you can.

So, now I've talked general tactics, let's elaborate when discussing each type of positional the team can hire.

 The Norse Lineman

Norse Lineman

Cost: 50,000

Movement Allowance: 6

Strength: 3

Agility: 3

Armour Value: 7

Skill Access (no doubles):

General 

Starting Skills:

Block

Recommended Skills (normal roll):

Dirty Player

Fend

Dauntless

Tackle

Frenzy (if you're nuts)

Kick

Recommended Skills (double):

Guard (priority)

Dodge

Mighty Blow (only if you get 2 doubles on one guy, otherwise always Guard)

Recommended Stat-Ups:

+Strength  

Summary:

The humble Norse Lineman is a real workhorse for the team. He has Block right out of the box and thus is reliable when hitting people. He can 1-dice block out of trouble with only a 1/6 chance of failure (and a 50% chance of knocking a player without Block over!) and he has AG 3, so can dodge and handle the ball when needed. 

With MA 6 he can easily move around the field to provide blocking assists and screen players out of the action (something that makes him a lot more useful than a Dwarf Blocker or Line Orc in lots of situations).

His only big weakness (as with most of the team) is AV 7. This means he must be the one hitting people rather than the one taking hits. You only rarely want to man-mark players with him - it is far better to screen with him and force your opponent to blitz him.

Finally, at only 50 k, the Lineman is cheap enough to be easily replaced when killed or injured and makes an excellent cheap fouler too. 

Wherever possible, your Linemen should be used to shield your better players from your opponent's Blitzes. This is their most important task. This will keep injuries restricted to your crappier, less developed Linemen rather than your star killer Berserkers and the Yhetee.

In a pinch, Linemen make good blitzers and safeties, and can take down Elf catchers and the like as they sneak backfield.

Skills, Subs and Development:

When skilled up, Guard on doubles is lovely because your team will *always* lack Guard. Otherwise always take at least 1 Dirty Player (preferably 2) and a bench of at least 2 Linemen, even in matchmaking. I take only 2 rerolls as a trade off, to keep Team Value lower.

Dirty Player Linemen are essential for both pressuring your opponent and countering any damage skills your opponent has. Your opponent will lose the bash war nine times out of 10 if he's hitting you once every turn with Mighty Blow and you are fouling him with Dirty Player and 4 assists every turn. FOUL, FOUL and FOUL again! Especially against high armour teams.

The only time you should not foul is if you can't get enough assists, or you are already terribly outnumbered.

Getting three Linemen with Fend can be useful for limiting blocks your opponent gets on the Line of Scrimmage, but I find it can be of limited use: if your opponent knocks you into next week with one knockdown, Fend is useless!

Tackle is always useful against dodgy foes and Dauntless can help you out against stronger opponents that you might otherwise struggle against (such as Lizardmen and Orcs in particular).

The Norse Runner

Norse Runner

Cost: 90,000

Movement Allowance: 7

Strength: 3

Agility: 3

Armour Value: 7

Skill Access (no doubles):

General

Agility 

Starting Skills:

Block

Dauntless

Recommended Skills (normal roll):

Dodge
Fend
Tackle
Strip Ball
Diving Tackle

Recommended Skills (double):

Guard (priority)

Mighty Blow (good when combined with Tackle and Strip Ball for a safety Blitzer)

Recommended Stat-Ups:

+Strength

+MA

+AG  

Summary:

The Norse Runner adds a much-needed injection of speed into the Norse team, and makes for an excellent Blitzer against Big Guys and STR 4 players with his Dauntless skill. He is essentially a cross between a Troll Slayer and a more conventional Runner or Catcher.

In general you'll want to keep him hanging back to hit players who get through your lines, provide assists where necessary and he'll probably be your main scorer too. Definitely worth the money, they can transform your offensive game and be useful on defence too.

Otherwise notable is their default access to Dodge, which can make them hard to pin down and knock over.

The Norse Ulfwerener

Norse Ulfwerener

Cost: 110,000

Movement Allowance: 6

Strength: 4

Agility: 2

Armour Value: 8

Skill Access (no doubles):

General
Strength 

Starting Skills:

Frenzy

Recommended Skills (normal roll):

Block (priority)
Mighty Blow (priority)
Guard
Juggernaut
Piling On
Stand Firm
Fend
Break Tackle
Strip Ball

Recommended Skills (double):

Dodge
Jump Up (maybe not as solid a choice due to AG 2)

Recommended Stat-Ups:

+Strength

+MA

+AV

Summary:

The Ulfwerener is one of the big punchers on your team. With AV 8 and STR 4, he is one of the best players on your team for man-marking weaker opponents, especially if you've got a numbers advantage. He's fast for a STR 4 player and starts with Frenzy, which makes him very dangerous to opponents on the sidelines.

Break Tackle can make him excellent at moving around to Blitz players, and Block is pretty much essential - with Frenzy he can be quite unreliable at hitting early on and will account for many of your turnovers. Be wary of this.

He must also be protected where possible because his STR 4 and poor armour will make him a hefty target.

I used to always go Block first, but actually I much prefer to get Mighty Blow first on my Ulfwereners now. This immediate makes them very scary and your opponent will be wary of getting too close to them. They will also level up faster and get Block sooner, plus the rest of your team has Block already so the reliablity is less of an issue. It also gives you at least one STR 4 player every turn with high damage potential.

They make *excellent* safeties because they can smack STR 3 ball carriers down on their own. To that end you can skill them up to be killers with MB and PO or have a more support role. Guard is always good on these guys (and much needed in many situations).

Personally I prefer NOT to take Piling On, and leave that to the Berserkers. Ulfwereners are better for chain pushing your players out of trouble and causing lots of damage every turn while they do it.

Juggernaut and Stand Firm can be used to turn them into very dangerous crowdsurfing players.

+STR is golden on an Ulf (and I'd definitely go Break Tackle next if I got it), and I'd also consider +AV considering the team really lacks armour across the board. Always get Block or Mighty Blow first, though, unless you get +STR.

The Norse Berserker

Norse Berserker

Cost: 90,000

Movement Allowance: 6

Strength: 3

Agility: 3

Armour Value: 7

Skill Access (no doubles):

General
Strength 

Starting Skills:

Block
Frenzy
Jump Up

Recommended Skills (normal roll):

Mighty Blow (priority)

Piling On (priority)

Tackle
Stand Firm
Dauntless
Guard
Fend
Juggernaut
Strip Ball

Recommended Skills (double):

Dodge
Diving Tackle

Recommended Stat-Ups:

+Strength

+MA 

+AG

Summary:

The Norse Berserker is not a subtle player, but nonetheless he's one of my favourites. He exists to do an insane amount of damage to the opposing team, whenever and wherever possible. You want to totally focus on damage skills with the Berserker as fast as possible: Mighty Blow or Piling On first, and then the skill you didn't take of the two second.

Piling On synergises very well with Jump Up and makes him a killing machine able to knock someone over, pile on to reroll the hurt and then immediately hit someone else (or the same guy) next to him the next turn. MB just amplifies the hurt. Your opponent will FEAR him!

After that, take skills that will either help him get people on the ground (Tackle) or keep him safer (Dodge, Fend). Guard is also handy, though it paints an even larger target sign on him, and ideally you don't even want him in contact with standing opponents.

Also, try not to let him get isolated because he WILL get fouled after piling on if you do. One of the team's biggest killers, and definitely the most reliable, it's worth giving them the ball in early games to help them level up quickly.

They can also be used to play the ball in a pinch, and make very good safeties and ball strippers thanks to Frenzy and Block.

The Norse Yhetee

Norse Yhetee

Cost: 140,000

Movement Allowance: 5

Strength: 5

Agility: 1

Armour Value: 8

Skill Access (no doubles):

Strength 

Starting Skills:

Loner
Disturbing Presence
Wild Animal
Frenzy
Claw

Recommended Skills (normal roll):

Mighty Blow (priority)
Guard (important)
Piling On (optional, but can really heap on the pain)
Stand Firm
Juggernaut

Recommended Skills (double):

Block (priority, an absolute Godsend)

Tackle

Recommended Stat-Ups:

+Strength

+AV

Summary:

The Yhetee is a controversial player. He can be amazing and clear the pitch of tough opposing players, or be or a total liability who loses you games. He can be a hammer who clubs enemies off of your players in chain push blitzes (one of the best ways to use him), or he might roll triple skulls on the Blitz and kill himself.

Out of all the Big Guys, I've always found Yhetees to be the least consistent. Lacking Mighty Blow to start with means they have a tendency to go a long time before they level up. I've had one go 10 games without his first 6 SPP!

Similarly, Frenzy plus no Block and Loner means it's *very* common for them to turnover, and AV 8 means that if an enemy big guy gets the Both Down or Attacker Down hit on you, you're normally watching your 140,000 gold Big Guy being carted off the pitch dead or unconscious.

The biggest weird thing about the Yhetee is that he's pretty much designed to be hitting opposing players as much as possible. Most Big Guys just as a road block, standing in the way and funnelling the opposition away from a key area of the pitch, maybe soaking up some knockdowns for the rest of your team.

With AV 8 and at a high cost, the Yhetee is terrible for this. If he takes hits he'll almost always bite the dust. By contrast, his Claws make him quite a danger against high AV targets when he's on the offensive, so you'll actually always want him getting stuck into tough targets wherever possible.

The Norse can REALLY struggle with high AV teams, especially if their fouls don't turn out well and they get a few send offs. Your damage skills can struggle to penetrate the armour and you start getting out bashed. For this reason, I almost always take the Yhetee.

Once you get MB on him, he can be a brutal blitzer who can kill the opposing team's hardest players before they get hits on you

Yhetee Rule #1: Always (where possible) use him LAST.

This goes for all big guys but especially the Yhetee. Whenever blocking with him, do it at the end of your turn. This limits the harmful turnovers from being game changers to usually less decisive affairs.

Yhetee Rule #2: Use him to maim weaker players who can't fight back (i.e. downed linemen behind your line).

Yhetee Rule #3: Use him to chainpush stronger players off of your line.

Yhetee Rule #4: Keep him out of scrums with stronger players.

Screen your Yhetee with Linemen and move him in for blitzes where necessary, or keep him focussed on an isolated downed player. He can push stronger guys off of your line, saving your Zerkers from taking blocks, but you don't want him bogged down or taking blitzes from killers.

After Mighty Blow, Juggernaut is a good skill pick for the Yhetee, making him more reliable. Break Tackle can help to get him out of trouble.

The Holy Grail is Block, and I might even take it over a +STR for him - in fact I almost always would, since it makes him far more dangerous to the opposition, harder to knock over and far less of a liability to my game.

--

Honourable Mention: Norse Thrower

Cost: 70,000

Movement Allowance: 6

Strength: 3

Agility: 3

Armour Value: 7

Skill Access (no doubles):

General
Passing 

Starting Skills:

Block
Pass

Recommended Skills (normal roll):

Sure Hands
Accurate
Leader
Fend
Tackle

Recommended Skills (double):

Guard
Dodge
Strong Arm

Recommended Stat-Ups:

+Strength

+AG

+MA

Summary:

I've not really bothered talking about the Norse Thrower here because, to be honest, I hardly use him. He's nice as a Leader (you're basically paying 20k extra for Passing Skill access on normal rolls) and that's handy because in a Matchmaking environment (like in the Cyanide games) you'll be wanting to keep your TV low.

He can add a bit of diversity and save you against very bashy teams, but frankly if you're losing the bash war you're probably losing the match big time anyway! He has much the same flexibility as a Lineman, with a few frills.

Definitely an optional position since the running game is dominant with Norse. I would take him in a league, not in perpetual matchmaking.

---

Well guys, I hope that was helpful. I will do another post on specific Norse tactics soon.

Matt's Blood Bowl Tactics: Norse Team Overview (video)

So, after a long hiatus, I made a video this weekend discussing some opinions regarding one of my favourite Blood Bowl teams, the Norse.

Catch it below, and drop me some comments.

Blood Bowl Races: Nurgle

So the first team I will be taking a look at will be the Nurgle team.

Nurgle are essentially a variant of Chaos teams. Nurgle is the God of Disease in the fluff, and as such Nurgle teams are made of of slimy, infectious zombie-esque abominations.

They are one of the best teams in the game for infuriating your opponent. Right from the start they have skills that make passing very hard for the other team, Foul Appearance will sometimes really mess up your opponent's blocking and they only get more irritating as they continue to level. Tentacles will make an Elf cry.

At high level, Nurgle can also be an effective bashing team. Regenerate + AV 9 means their positionals are exceedingly tough, so they can weather an onslaught of hits, then use their own strength and mutation access to really pile on pain in return.

Nurgle are similar to Chaos teams in that they have the same glaring weaknesses and strengths - a total lack of starting skills means the team is very vulnerable to Turnovers and failed actions early on, but universal access to Mutations and a lot of Strength and General access means the team can be very varied and effective once skilled.

They are also very slow, being only marginally faster than Dwarves. This means their offence is extremely weak, and they cannot expect to win by 2 TDs very often if they win at all. Poor speed and Agility is the largest weakness of a Nurgle team.

Nurgle differ from Chaos in that their Big Guy fills a completely different role (and is in fact the centre of their play) and they also focus on a disruptive gameplan rather than purely bashing skulls (though they can be good at that too).

Let's look at the player types:



Rotter


Number Limit: 1-16


Cost: 40,000/Free.

Movement: 5
Strength: 3
Agility: 3
Armour Value: 8

Normal Skill Access:
General
Mutation

Starting Skills/Traits:

Decay
Nurgle's Rot


Suggested Skills:
Dirty Player
Wrestle
Fend
Claw
Foul Appearance
Tackle


Suggested Doubles:
Guard
Mighty Blow
Sneaky Git


Unlike Chaos, who have the all-round Beastman, Nurgle teams have a dedicated Lineman known as a Rotter. Rotters are actually damn good for a measly 40,000 gold pieces, packing average Strength, average Agility and respectable Armour. However, they are slow at Movement 5 and have the Decay trait.

The Decay trait means that any serious injury (a Casualty result) will cause 2 injuries instead of one. For this reason, Rotters have short lifespans despite their reasonable AV. Lack of Regen and a doctor on the team means they are down and out when injured. They are the soft target that enemy teams will undoubtedly be trying to get off the pitch.

However, for cheap fodder that can get in the way of the opposition and play the ball in emergencies, they're very useful. They make excellent foulers out of the box and become more deadly with Dirty Player.

Mutation access also means Claw is an option, meaning they can be quite dangerous against high Armour opponents, just don't expect them to last long in a fight.

Foul Appearance en masse can also be used to get your opponent's veins throbbing. If you want to lengthen your Rotters' lifespans (and make them hyper annoying), give them Wrestle and Foul Appearance. Bashing teams will give themselves a hernia.

Finally, they (along with all Nurgle players) possess the "Nurgle's Rot" skill. This means any opponent with a STR of 4 or less killed on a block or foul action by the player will come back as a Rotter for free. The exception is players with Regen or Stunty, who can't be "infected".

This means that you never really have to worry about buying Rotters - just use free mercs if your team is bashed up and/or get replacements from players you kill.



Nurgle Warrior

Number Limit: 1-4

Cost: 110,000



Movement: 4
Strength: 4
Agility: 2
Armour Value: 9

Normal Skill Access:
General
Strength
Mutation

Starting Skills/Traits:
Foul Appearance
Disturbing Presence
Regeneration
Nurgle's Rot 

Suggested Skills:

Block
Mighty Blow
Claw
Tentacles
Stand Firm
Guard
Prehensile Tail
Grab


Doubles:
Dodge
 

Ah, the Warriors! These guys are the killing machines of the team and the central pillars of your defence and offence. With a high Strength rating, two great disruption skills from the start (FA and DP), high AV and Regeneration, they are some of the toughest and nastiest players in the game.

They get access to General, Strength and Mutie skills on normal rolls, meaning you can customise them to be really hard hitters (Block, Mighty Blow, Claw...) or infuriating roadblock players (Block, Guard, Stand Firm, Tentacles, Prehensile Tail).

I like to have at least one killer for making my all around life easier on the pitch, while at the same time really playing to their strengths as an "annoyance" team by giving them roadblock skills as much as possible.

Their only weakness is low Movement and their lower Agility (when compared to Chaos Warriors). For this reason you want to handle them in two ways: firstly, keep them in the thick of the action, beating people senseless.

Secondly, plan where you most need them before you need them there. Their slow movement means you can really be caught out if you're not already positioned where you need to be.

Try and keep their Disturbing Presence auras spread around the pitch (or overlapping on potential pass targets). This will usually wreck any hope of a passing game, even with teams like Elves. Foul Appearance shuts down an opponent's attack 1/6 times and they lose their action unless they try to reroll it.

This means your Warriors are most annoying when just standing in the way, so I wouldn't recommend skills like Piling On if you go the killer route, since you're weakening yourself.

Block is an absolute must on first skill, I'd turn down anything but +1 Strength for it. If you do get a Strength increase, Tentacles is fantastic.Dodge on doubles can be great combined with Block + Guard, but I wouldn't take it early on.



Beast of Nurgle

Number Limit: 1

Cost: 140,000

Movement: 4
Strength: 5
Agility: 1
Armour Value: 9

Normal Skill Access:
Strength
(Mutation & General on doubles)


Starting Skills/Traits:
Disturbing Presence
Foul Appearance
Mighty Blow
Tentacles
Nurgle's Rot
Regeneration
Really Stupid
Loner

Suggested Skills:
Block
Stand Firm
Break Tackle  
Grab
Guard
Thick Skull or Juggernaut (last skill perhaps)


The Beast of Nurgle is the cornerstone of Nurgle play. No other team relies on their Big Guy like Nurgle do.

This ugly mofo's Tentacles make him an absolute nightmare for Elves, Goblins and other dodgy opponents with low to average Strength. He also has the same AV and Regen as a Warrior and DP and FA too.

The Beast should always be positioned in such a way that he is tying up the opposition's most dangerous scorers. If no scorers are around (e.g. you're playing against a slow bash team), try to keep him away from killers on his own, especially if they have Claw.

He is still very tough with AV 9 and Regenerate however, so don't feel too afraid, just be aware that he is an important anchor for your play. Gang him up with your Warriors to create a formidable line, or keep him in a position where he can lock down anyone who gets past your front defences.

While he has Mighty Blow, the Beast also has Really Stupid. This means you will want someone next to him at all times, and even then he will lose his Tacklezones (and thus Tentacles) if he rolls a 1 and goes Stupid. This can be disasterous.

If you have players wrapped up in Tentacles, it may be worth not using the Beast in your next turn, and so avoid rolling for Stupidity. Losing the Tentacles can sometimes mean the difference between winning and losing - and trying to score an Injury by hitting with Mighty Blow is often not worth that. Only hit with him if you have no real risk of losing the ball or giving away a Touchdown if he goes Stupid.

He also has Loner, meaning he has a 50% chance of eating your rerolls. Without Block and with Loner, he is very unreliable when hitting people.

If the ball ever gets loose from your opponent (and it should do with Nurgle - that's your job), get your Beast on it immediately. This will really mess up Dodging teams, and makes life very hard for Strength teams too.

I tend to get Stand Firm on mine as a first skill, to make him near impossible to push away once he is lodged in somewhere. After that Guard is a good pick. Break Tackle is very good for stopping him getting tied up by one crappy opponent. He can also try to shove his way into cages with it and get his Tents around the ball carrier.

On Doubles Block is excellent because it makes his hits less risky and also keeps him stood up and in the way. Pro is also good (for rerolling Stupid). Alternatively you can get him Claw, giving him the Claw + Mighty Blow combo. This will make him very dangerous and a good killer, but it's a dubious skillup for the reasons above - he should not really be hitting often. He is not a Minotaur, and trying to use him as such will usually ruin your game.


Pestigor

Number Limit: 1-4

Cost: 80,000

Movement: 6
Strength: 3
Agility: 3
Armour Value: 8

Normal Skill Access:
General
Strength
Mutation

Starting Skills/Traits:
Horns
Nurgle's Rot
Regeneration

Suggested Skills:
Extra Arm
Sure Hands
Two Heads (very good for ball carriers)
Big Hand (for a ball retriever, preferably with +AG)
Block
Wrestle
Tackle 

Pestigors are very, very useful. Rotters make reasonable ball carriers with AG 3, but they are slow. Pests give a much needed speed boost and with Sure Hands or Extra Arms make perfect carriers. They are also tough with Regenerate and with extra skill access and no Decay, they are far preferable to Rotters.

You can also go the "killy" route and take Block, Mighty Blow, Tackle, Claw, Piling On and so on, but I prefer to leave that stuff to the Warriors. And if you want pure killing power, Chaos is likely a preferable team in the first place.

Pestigors are also very expensive for what they are. I usually take two until the team has some skills (in TV matchmaking anyway). This ensures you are not enormously outskilled by your opponent's team too fast.

Since Nurgle tend to lack Tackle early on (another big weakness), I like to build a Pestigor with Wrestle, Tackle and perhaps Strip Ball. Wrestle in particular acts as a kind of "alternate Tackle" early on for you.

This gives you someone you can leave in the backfield - with Horns Pests Blitz with +1 Strength, essentially making them Strength 4 on Blitzes.

Not only is this great if you're cornered in possession, but it's also very useful for Wrackling down Catchers and the like as they sneak into your backfield. Then you can get your Rotters to stamp on them, or wrap some slimy tentacles around the ball!

The lads!

Nurgle Summary:

Nurgle are one of my favourite teams in the game. For all their strengths however, they can be very hard to play consistently with. One tiny mistake can mean the difference between winning or losing. I don't enjoy such a good record with them as I do with teams like Orcs and Norse.

Even so, they are rewarding to play when things go smoothly, have a lot of room for development and watching your skills make your opponent's turn absolute hell is a joy!

Now get out there and infect some pointy-earred pansies!

Sturm Von Stahl BB League Week 1 Report

So for Season 6 of the online Blood Bowl league I play in I decided to do a  "video-comic" match report.

I spliced in-game sounds into the mix and hopefully it will be reasonably enjoyable even to those who don't play the game.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g6zoRHbmPWU

Youtube was kind enough to desynch the sound about halfway in onwards, but meh.

There are a few lame in-jokes there. One in particular is that for some reason it always seems to look like my guys are getting hit in the nuts when I take screenshots :\

I've had several matches since then, but unfortunately real life got a little crazy a few weeks back and so far I've been unable to give them the same treatment. All in good time, with a little bit of luck.

That awful situation...

Blood Bowl, despite using dice, is a game that ultimately you influence with how skilled you are. How well can you position your players to force your opponent to do things he doesn't want to? Have you marked the right guys on the opposing team to stop them just dodging away? And so on.

Occasionally though, luck decides that you're screwed utterly either way. Like the time I lost one of the best players I've had to a single pitiful Goblin.

The match was going well, I was hammering the Goblins 1-0 as expected, and a few had been carted off the field, Badly Hurt (the least serious injury type, with no permanent effect).

I eased back in the chair, grinning as my team, the Shadowstain Slaughterers, advanced unstoppably down the wing with the ball. The Goblins were crippled by the stupidity of their Trolls, who refused to do anything they were told, instead choosing to stand in the middle of the pitch picking their noses for around 3/4 of the game.

At the time my best player (whose name, sadly, I forget...I named him myself :( ) was a Chaos Warrior who had levelled up in a previous match. His dice roll on levelling (double 6's, a 1/36 chance) was particularly awesome, and he was able to get + 1 in Strength, one of the most coveted and rare level up rewards possible.

As a result, his already above average strength was boosted to crazy levels. He was the only Chaos Warrior in the whole league to have a Strength of 5, equal to my Minotaur and the stupid Trolls I was against now.

The Minotaur on my team (Zarnkrak Limbpeeler, who is currently the only Blood Bowl star to have his own breakfast cereal! Check out the ad on the right - http://www.sturmvonstahl.info/ ) had been the only casualty this match, taken out by the Goblin Chainsaw shortly before I got half my team to stamp on him with the predictable result.

The injury hadn't been severe, but I thought, hey, I've got the nasty guy off the pitch, may as well use my doc and get the Mino back for giggles.

It was then that it happened.

The STR 5 Warrior hit a Goblin, getting to roll 3 dice (the maximum you can get) against him. It was virtually guaranteed that the Goblin was going down.

I looked in horror at the result -

[Both Down] + [Both Down] + [Both Down]

With no rerolls left, I would have to take this crappy outcome.

Right, I thought, stay calm. You have high armour, the Goblin will probably get squished. Bang, both players are on the floor, and my turn ends. My armour held.

Next turn, the Goblin stands up (he wasn't hurt) and kicks my Warrior while he's on the floor, with absolutely no-one else helping him. I almost laugh, and then my I noticed that it actually broke my armour. Injury roll is 10 on the dice...so that means a casualty. Casualty result? DEAD.

I believe that my scream was heard in Africa at that point, and my sobs rocked the foundations of the house.

The referee sent the little green git off, but it was no consolation to my best player, who lay motionless in the dugout, face down in the mud, a giant glowing white skull icon hovering mercilessly over his head.

Next turn I scored and won the game 2-0...which felt a little hollow. Even worse was the knowledge that I'd wasted my healer on the Minotaur, and so I may as well have killed the Warrior myself.

Let's do a quick analysis of the chance of that horrible injury happening, shall we?

First, the chance of getting triple dice all saying Both Down is 1/216.

Next, the chance that a lone Goblin would break my armour with no help by kicking me while I was down is 1/6. (surprisingly high!).

The chance that the injury would be so serious is also 1/6.

The probability that the injury would be death is 1/6.

So if my maths is correct (which it my not be, but whatever :D), this leads to a final chance of 2.14 x10^-4.

And the cruellest irony of all? If I hadn't given him +1 STR, I would have given him Block - a skill that means a player isn't knocked down on a Both Down result...

I do take a kind of masochistic pleasure from having experienced such an event though. It always raises an eyebrow when I tell my opponents that I fear tiny Goblins above all others!

Also, to break up all this text, enjoy a nice screenie of Zarnkrak Limbpeeler as he is today, Claws and Tentacles included:

He just wants a hug. Honestly.

Last match he fought with a rival Minotaur and eventually gave it a Broken Neck (though it was very, very tense and Zarnkrak nearly went down a couple of turns later...but that's another story!).

Welcome to the blog!

Smashed Collar Bone.

A bizarre and perhaps even nonsensical title? Or a term that inspires dismay and despair and serves as a useful metaphor for luck's most inspired bad turns? Perhaps even a phrase that brings a big grin to your face at your good fortune?

That all depends on whether you've ever played Blood Bowl!

Throughout the life of this blog (I.E. however long I remember it exists) I'll be posting up a weird mix of general observations of life in the UK, current events (with my opinions) and Blood Bowl experiences (both amusing and soul-crushing).

"But wait a minute", you might be thinking, "What's this 'Blood Bowl' that this talented and incredibly handsome bloke keeps going on about? Can I eat out of it?"

That's probably for a later post. Let's just say that it's a darkly humourous strategy game set in a universe where knee-high Goblins with dangerously out of control chainsaws brawl with 8 foot tall hulking great evil doom-knights. Who have mutated tentacles. Oh, and all this happens on a sports pitch, in front of a crowd even more aggressive than the players!

Yes, it's an unusual game. Let's hope it breathes that same spirit into the blog!